Sunday, June 30, 2019

What Would Happen if I Would Trust My Own Intuition?

As I woke up this morning, all of this fear came up, and anger, and even rage toward my dad, and I asked myself, is this conversation worth even one more moment of your time? Is thinking about this situation, and this person** worth the energy you are giving it? No? And, I said to myself, done!!!
I immediately started reminding myself of who I really am, I am so grateful that I am a part of my own personal evolution, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul, I am passionate about ending suffering in my life, I am passionate about helping other people eliminating suffering in their lives, I am strong and my strength comes from within me.
And then, I started thinking about intuition, I told myself, trust what is in your heart, trust that if you follow what is in your heart and be courageous enough to allow every single emotion to resonate through your body without judgment or concern, that you will be held by the universe and you will accomplish what you have set out to do.
These words got me up out of bed, and as I began my morning routine, I was listening to a talk by Gabrielle Bernstein*, and she asked the question, "what would happen if I would let the universe take the lead?" This obviously resounded so much with me because it is something I try so hard to live out in my life. My answer lies in the statement, I will be held by the universe and I will accomplish what I have set out to do.
This reminds me of a post I created about intention, and what I notice in that post is a desire to create an energy in my being, that is my source of wealth. When I was thinking about my rage toward my dad, I reframed that situation with this is fuel energy that I can use to propel me forward. I reframed this powerful feeling, instead of judging it as something bad happening to me, I chose to consider it fuel to propel me forward to accomplishing my goals. That overwhelming anxiety, rage, anger, and fear changed into this exuberant energy that I can use for good. I was able to replace excruciating pain with a a lightweight sense of joy. It was like taking off the heavy cloak of depression and putting on a cape that would allow me to be light on my feet, lighthearted in conversation, and resilient in any circumstance.
Instead of looking at the situation with my dad and seeing pain and trauma, I was able to see light energy, and power, and empowerment, and energy that I can use to move me forward. I was able to transform my suffering in that moment, into energy.
This is my wealth! This is my prosperity! Financial gain is a mere byproduct of a clear mind, a focus, and an exuberant energy, not my only reward.
When I take action out of an energy that is liberating, and uplifting, and empowering, financial gain is a consequence of that, and also a teacher, a great teacher for me. My main reward is that overflowing joy that I feel. My main reward is the gratitude flowing from my heart. My main reward is the overflowing energy that I can use to propel me forward to accomplish my dreams. My main reward is the knowing that I am no longer suffering from the pain of domestic violence. My main reward is knowing that the war stops with me. My main reward is knowing that I don't ever have to pass on that same violence to another human being, including myself.
Blaming myself over and over for something he did is no helping anyone. I am the most important person I will ever meet. The person in the mirror is the most important person we will ever meet. I am taken care of. The war has ended in my home, literally, and metaphorically. I will not.. pass on.. what was given.. to me.
Violence is a disease, and it has a cure. Violence is a treatable condition. And, the cure is a clear mind, that is trained in the art of transforming our pain into energy, and empowerment, without running from our own discomfort.
The cure to violence is igniting a movement in our bodies that brings us into a state of flow, or "the zone." This kind of state of being benefits all people, because we feel connected to our true self, while feeling completely connected to all beings. The ego can't control us when we are in a flow state. The ego must be trained to take the navigator seat. And, this is our work, the emotional work that is training our ego to let our true being, our intuition, do it's job, and lead us on the journey. The cure comes when we realize that there is nothing broken in the first place; our intuition has always known joy. The solution is in training our ego mind to be at one with the heart and play. The solution is in receiving every emotion as energy to fuel us toward self love, and then unconditional love toward others, and then being like a lighthouse for ships caught in the storms of violence, oppression, poverty, and depression.
*I want to give credit to Gabrielle Bernstein, who is a leader and hero of mine, and helped inspire me to write this blog post in her talk "The Universe Has Your Back," on SuperSoul Sessions, Oprah Winfrey Network https://youtu.be/7yiCMxp8Kw4
**I want to make note of the fact that I experienced domestic violence in my home as a child, and though I am forgiving of my dad, I am still working through how to act around him, and how much time, if any, that I want to be around him. I also, am giving myself plenty of space to walk in my own skin after acknowledging to myself that it wasn't my fault, that he used violence toward me. I wasn't my fault that he assaulted me. Period.

Saturday, June 29, 2019

Lifting Myself Up Out of Pain to Empowerment

This is a great day because I am loved, and there is a sea of angels surrounding me. 

This is a great day because I am first loved by the captain of my soul, my biggest cheerleader, and the champion of my heart, Matthew Hardy.

That is a relief.

This is a great day because I am so grateful to know that I can rest in the knowledge that if I am stuck on a dessert island, which is a great metaphor for being stuck in our minds... 

If I am on a dessert island, I can be free, and I can overcome any obstacle; that I can survive, and thrive, and be full of energy, and light, and magic, and feel great. 

This is a great day because I am developing the tools that can lift me up out of fear.

This is a great day because I am on a journey through challenges, and difficulties, and I am free to make mistakes, and fall down, and not get it right the first time.

This is a great day because I feel gratitude.

This is a great day because I am willing to listen to other people talk about their experience and their story, and it can be scary to take that it, but it can't hurt me. I don't have to believe it. Another person's truth may not work for me. I am free to choose my own. I am free to choose what works for me.

This is a great day because I am reminded that sarcasm doesn't work for me, unless it lightens a serious mood, and I am crystal clear with my use of it, even actually saying the words "I am joking," or "I am being sarcastic, here." This is a great day because I am learning to be patient with other people who use sarcasm, and I end up feeling confused.

I want to point out that I am faced with the choice, right now, to either go into a rant from the point of view of someone who believes God is a sadistic prick, or to continue spinning each phrase to a positive uplifting statement. I am choosing to spin my phrases toward a positive uplifting statement, because this is my life, and I am creating a life that is full of feeling good, and even great. I am no longer a champion for suffering. I am no longer interested in feeling like crap. I want to feel good!!! I want to feel great!!! I don't want to feel depressed and down, and upset, and disappointed... 

So, I am going to choose to write the words that make me feel good...

This is a great day because I felt disappointment, but I didn't let that pain turn into suffering; I did not let it turn into resentment toward the person who sounded sarcastic to me. 

This is a great day because I realized I just didn't understand where they were coming from, and I asked myself, is this conversation worth one more moment of my time? No? And, I said, done!!!

Now, I find it helpful to have a little healthy debate with myself, to play a little Devil's Advocate: You say you don't want to feel depressed, isn't that avoiding your feelings?

And, I would say, thank you. I can see your point, and I am very interested in feeling my feelings, I am just not interested in judging my feelings as "sad, angry, stressed-out, and anxious." My emotions are fuel for me. When I start to see my feelings as an enemy to be feared, or to fight against, that can exhaust me, and wear me out. Thank you for the question.

This is a great day because my suffering is over. There is always a way out, and the way out is through our emotions. 

This is a great day because the way out is through the emotions we are feeling. On the way in, toward feeling, we might call it pain, but afterward we might call it something else. I choose to call it "good."

The disappointment I was feeling was an opportunity to resolve my judgements about that particular shade/color of feeling; the energy I was feeling was a fuel, to be used to propel me forward. If I am unresolved, about what that disappointment energy is for, then it can lead to great suffering in my life. And, if I can get to the point where I am seeing disappointment as an opportunity, rather than something to be avoided, the feeling itself will be less jarring to my senses, and less uncomfortable to my body. Disappointment will actually be transformed into something beautiful. For me, the word disappointment can feel heavy, and depressing, and pleasing to the ego, that would rather stay stuck, then risk feeling joy, and the fulfillment of a completed goal.

This is a great day because I am challenging my ego mind to consider, that what I was feeling earlier today was a gift; that what I was feeling when I woke up, was challenging to the ego.

The thoughts I was thinking were, this person is supposed to be inspiring. Glennon Doyle is supposed to be a "truth teller." She isn't supposed to be sarcastic. She isn't supposed to leave me feeling upset and confused. I was listening to her on an interview with Jen Hatmaker (For the Love Podcast).

It reminds me of a judgment I had against Brené Brown the other day while listening to her in an interview with Russell Brand. My thoughts were like, she is so negative. What is she thinking, sharing her opinion like that? How dare she not be open to "rapture"? What IS this crap?

These two examples are great reflections for me, and I want to unpack them to find out what I need to learn.

It makes me want to write out The Work [of Byron Katie] on these two situations. Byron Katie calls it a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet, which is a free download at thework.com.

But, even without doing a whole worksheet on Glennon and Brené, I am seeing some great reflections. When I see Glennon in my mind, I am holding some major judgments in my mind against her, she is so negative, she is... And, I have to actually close my eyes and get still for this... she is too negative... she is just upsetting herself with embracing her suffering... she is a martyr... she is... 

For both Brené and Glennon, I have judgments that, they are not open to feeling great. 

This is where I find The Work to be so helpful. How many times have I been completely closed to feeling good? How many times have I not been open to joy, and bliss, and rapture? I have worn depression like a coat of armor, protecting myself from feeling pain, and it didn't work. My depression cloak only increased my suffering. 

So, as it turns out, these reflections had nothing to do with Glennon or Brené. It was all about me. 

I am so grateful to have these reflections in my life. They point me back to myself. And, they also remind me look at the reflections in my family.

I have judged my dad so harshly for hitting me. 

How many times have I actually physically hit myself in the head? More times than he did. It doesn't justify him hitting me, but I want to end the violence that is happening in my mind, right now!!! I am berating myself with negative thinking. I am berating myself for not working enough, for having to ask for financial help from my parents, for not feeling up to getting out there and start working. I have been berating myself for not feeling good. 

And, the only way I know how to stop judging myself is to judge my neighbor, on paper, get still, notice the situation, and find out what their reflection is pointing to in me. Their reflection is pointing out why I am in pain. 

So, my advice, my assignment to me, is to write a Worksheet [Judge-Your-Neighbor] on my Dad from that situation when he was standing over me hitting me in the face. My assignment is to go there, in my mind, and see if there was something I missed.

Maybe what I was feeling wasn't pain, maybe it was something else, maybe it was love for my father, who was so confused, and was in so much pain, that he lashed out. Maybe what I was feeling was compassion for someone who was so lost in his suffering that he would assault his own child. If I had to choose, would I want to be the child in that picture, or the parent? Which is more painful? 

For me the parent is more painful. I would choose to be the child. 

I look back now, and I feel compassion for my dad. I don't feel hatred.

Yesterday, for the first time, I confessed out loud to my brother, it wasn't my fault that my dad hit me. Period.

It was so liberating.

And, now I am going one step further, I am feeling love for my dad. The pain is gone. It may come up again, but I have a tool to help me get free again. And, I look forward to it coming up again, because I love to set myself free from pain and suffering.

I love my dad. On one hand he is guilty. He hit me. On the other hand he is innocent. He was only hitting himself. Again, it doesn't justify his action. But, I am saying this for me. He hurt me with his fist. That was pain, but instead of letting it end there, I added hundreds of hours of suffering by blaming him, and blaming myself for provoking him. No. I was doing my best. He was doing his best. It doesn't justify the assault. But, I want an end to my suffering, so I have to find out the real cause. It's interesting because, when I was on the ground being hit, my body was is shock, and I could feel the blows. I am so grateful for that gift of grace. 

I love my dad. I forgive him for hitting me. And, it doesn't mean I am going to force myself to be a doormat to him again. He may have started the fight, but it ends with me. I didn't hit him back, other than to get him off me, so that I could run out the door. I ran to a friend's house, and stayed there for three weeks to be safe. I am so proud of myself for stopping the war in my home.

I forgive him, so that I can be free. I forgive him, so that I can end the war with myself, the war with my mind. Not that he set me free. I set myself free by forgiving him. I can see, now, why he did what he did. He had a part in my suffering, clearly he did. He slammed me in the face, over and over, but he is not responsible for the solution. That is up to me. If I want to end my suffering, there is a way to be free: it is called telling the truth to myself about what really happened: he hit me, I left. I blamed myself and I blamed him for 24 years. I berated myself for provoking my beloved dad. 

And, now I am done hurting myself that way, and I am going to do everything I can, to notice if I ever do that again.

That is my promise to me.

In conclusion, I feel so free in this moment. I love myself. I love my dad. I love my brothers. I love my mom, and my sister. I love Brené. I love Glennon. 

I am so grateful to be free from pain and suffering. I am so grateful to be "in the zone." [flow] I am so grateful to be in joy. I am so grateful to be in bliss. 

This is a great day because my suffering is gone and I am free to be of service to others.

This is a great day because I am free to be me; I am free to love me.

I love you, Matthew! I love you, world!

Friday, June 28, 2019

My Intention

My intention is to create a life that is as free as possible of crippling, emotional pain, and chronic physical pain;

to create life that is free of unnecessary suffering, without avoiding the normal discomforts that all people can identify with;

to create a life that is free of the crippling, overwhelming, and exhausting feelings and self-defeating concepts and ideas;

to create a life that is devoted to the end of suffering in my own life;

to create a life that is devoted to the end of suffering on the planet;


to build up my overall energy through perseverance, so that I can face any obstacle in the way of peace in my heart.

Wednesday, June 26, 2019

Why is This a Great Day?

This is a great day because I know who I am, and that knowledge radiates, and catches like a fire to all who are in my company.

This is a great day, because we are alive, and still breathing. This is a great day, because we are loved and supported, whether we feel it or not. This is a great day, because there are people who are getting free in their minds and hearts even though they are sometimes bound by physical chains. This is a great day, because we are developing the tools to solve any problem.

This is a great day because I am building up my overall energy through perseverance! This is a great day because I am strong and my strength comes from within me.
This is a great day, because my heart is so amazingly beautiful, full of grace, and gratitude.

This is a great day, because I have the power to make myself feel empowered, successful, joyful, and full of energy. This a great day, because through my words and actions, I am encountering any obstacle like a martial artist for peace. This is a great day because I am ending war and violence in the world around me.

This is great day, because I am passionate about eliminating suffering in my life, while simultaneously embracing every emotion that I feel. This is a great day, because I am passionate about helping other people eliminate suffering in their lives, while pointing out the fact that they have just empowered themselves. I am so grateful.

This is a great day because I am a bright light in the world, like a lighthouse to a lost ship. My very being welcomes everyone to feel at home. This is a great day because people, and animals, and everything that has breath feel safe in my company, and in my embrace. This is a great day because I am metaphorically walking on water and seeing miraculous things in every day life. I am seeing people shift their perspectives, and lift up their heads toward the sky.

This is a great day because the universe, God, goodness, The Creator, science, data, research, proof, etc., is lifting my head up; and I am rising above the mighty waves of sadness, loss, despair, and depression.

This is a great day because I am lifting my head above the mighty waves of fear, and I am reframing it with the truth of who I am; and that I am building up my overall energy through perseverance. I am embracing every feeling as if it were my most innocent and beautiful child. I am holding it in my arms and giving it my biggest smile. I am a father to so many children thoughts, emotions, feelings, ideas, concepts, and beautiful adult children that I encounter every single day. I do not hammer them with advice and discipline, because these children are not my own; *"they are the sons and the daughters of Life's longing for itself." I let the universe bring the patient, generous advice and discipline, that is full of grace and unconditional loving support; that is catered to each child for their specific needs.

I say to myself, first, "I support you. I am here for you." I say with my actions, and with words to the many beautiful children in the world, I appreciate you, I hear you. Thank you for being here, fully, in this moment. You are welcome here. You belong here. And, you are most worthy of love.


This is a great day because I have an anchor in the truth of who I am; that I am strong, and beautiful, and generous, and grateful to be a part of all this BIG MAGIC!!! (as I have heard from Liz Gilbert). All are welcome in my company!

This is a great day because I am anchored in the knowledge that I am held by the universe; a universe that includes, and does not exclude all people, all religions, all races, all genders, all are welcome here!

*from "On Children" by Kahlil Gibran - 1883-1931

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

What am I Celebrating Today?


I am celebrating balance in my life. I am celebrating a life that is full of energy. But, also full of feeling. I am willing to feel the emotions that help me maintain a state of peace. 

I am celebrating a confidence in welcoming drivers to merge ahead of me.

I am celebrating a certainty that I can face any circumstance, like a marital artist for peace. 

I am celebrating a willingness to improve my performance at work, not just in financial gain, but in how I treat myself; and how I treat others.

I am celebrating knowing that if I can be open to what I am feeling, I can move and live in confidence, that I am held by the universe; that the universe has my back.

Letting Ourselves Feel Joy

I have noticed that I resist allowing myself to feel joy, pleasure, and anything good, more than I resist pain.

Pleasure is different than "getting a fix."

Joy is different than fleeting happiness. Joy is fullness, and requires that we allow everything in, into our hearts, that we allow every feeling to surface. 

A person that has the tools to work with the thoughts that come when we have the courage to feel our emotions, can accomplish anything. We feel energized, fulfilled, and have a certainty that we are held in the arms of the universe.


I Have the Secret to Life! Believe this...

...in your bones. And, Write your own words to live by...

This is my incantation!!! This is the song in my heart!!!

Sing it with me:

Incantation For Today: All Are Welcome In My Company
[Originally Written on Thursday, Jun 20, 2019]
I am so grateful to be a partner in my own personal evolution.


I am the master of my fate.

I am the captain of my soul.

I am passionate about ending suffering in my own life.

I am passionate about helping other people eliminate suffering in their lives.

I am attracting wealth and prosperity into my life; the kind of wealth that goes way beyond financial gain, without excluding it; the kind of overflowing wealth, prosperity, and abundant energy that can set a prisoner free; the kind of freedom that can raise me up from the grave, and set me free from any cage!!!

Because I am strong, and my strength comes from within me.

And, I am accessing that strength every day by having the courage to feel my emotions, get vulnerable with myself, move my body to ignite my physiology, and by replacing my negative, self defeating judgments with empowering, energizing, and uplifting concepts and ideas.

My heart is overflowing with grace, compassion, and gratitude.

I am generous to myself, first, so that I can give without reservation.

I am doing my work, the emotional work that brings clarity, understanding, and wisdom for any and all circumstances. And, I am always open to finding out where else I can expand this beautiful heart, mind, and soul; to the far reaches of any galaxy!!!

...Because I am loved, and there is sea of angels surrounding me. Because I am first loved by the captain of my soul, my biggest cheerleader, and the champion of my heart: Matthew Hardy

I did not give birth to myself, physically, but I am creating and building a life that is my own. I can't ever claim to take credit away from any God, but I am doing my best to do my part: which is to create a life that is full of energy, vitality, generosity, and gratitude.

I am building a life that includes all people, and does not exclude anyone. I am starting with myself, and then to my peers, and then to everyone who crosses my path. All are welcome, here.

I am creating a life that listens, and learns, and grows, and challenges any concept that causes pain.

I am building a life that evolves and loves and moves with the tides. I am a surfer who can ride the emotional waves, and lend a hand to an exhausted swimmer.

---

This is my and incantation. This is my dream for me today. This is my dream for my community, and family. This is my dream for the world.




I Risked My Whole Heart

I just had a powerful conversation, and I realized it's time to share this.

I risked my whole heart for a woman I loved, and I want to continue to do that. I want to risk my whole heart in relationships, and in every aspect of my life, my career, my passion projects... because not jumping off the ledge into the abyss has become more painful than anything I have experience through heartache.

I wouldn't recommend literally jumping out of an airplane without a parachute for love, but I would highly recommend doing that same thing, metaphorically, to anyone who is wondering to themselves, is it worth the risk?

----

When we risk our whole heart for something we believe in, we risk feeling the deep emotions that will follow.

When I look back, I think of something Brené Brown said about foreboding joy, in an interview with Oprah. At first, when I heard her talk about it, I didn't understand it, but when I read about it in her book, Daring Greatly, it started to make sense. What I have discovered in my own experience of risking my whole heart is, the thing I resisted more than anything was allowing myself to feel good. I thought I it would be some sort of pain: sadness, anger, or fear...

Talk about "Ah Ha" moments!!!

No wonder I have spent so much of my time feeling like crap. I have been berating myself with all of my strength, so that I won't feel joy.

Let me explain...

When I experienced the most challenging part of my past relationship, there was a point where it seemed to reach a heightened intensity. At the time, I thought that I was in excruciating pain. I thought that moment was the most difficult and painful moment of my life.

She left. How could she do that? I'm crushed. Holy shit. Am I dying? What is happening to me? How could she...???

These were the thoughts that I was thinking at the time.

But, were they really accurate? 

They were certainly causing me a lot of stress.

I have to mention another pioneer at this point who wrote an incredible book, and gave one of my favorite Ted Talks, Kelly McGonigal. 

She talks about how the belief that stress is bad for us is one of the leading causes of death. In fact, it was the "15th largest cause of death in the United States" the year prior to her talk.

This is amazing because, my pain was completely tied up in the judgment that what I was feeling was killing me.

I have changed my view of this, and I am still working on it.

But, I am 100% grateful for that moment. In fact, it was the most powerful, and empowering moment in my life.

I want to be specific, now, on what the gift was...

It was a gift from me, to me. Period. 

It was not a gift from her. It was not a gift from God, because everything is a gift from God. Everything is grace.

The important thing I noticed is what I have given to myself: I allowed myself... To feel what I was feeling... And to receive it, without... judgement.

I want to be crystal clear here, so I will say it again.

I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling. At first, I thought I was dying. I thought it was killing me. And, then, out years of a daily practice of meditation, I came to realize that the feeling I was experiencing was, in fact, joy. I was experiencing exuberant, and overwhelmingly positive and wonderful joy and bliss.

I want to point out the energetic power of joy...

It is absolutely imperative that we are open to experiencing joy (and even bliss), if we really want to be creative. 

Brené Brown's research points out clearly that innovative, creativity, and change has a it's foundation in vulnerability.*

When we are vulnerable with ourselves, and our emotions, we open to the possibility of experiencing joy.

allowed myself to feel what I was feeling, and I noticed that I was calling it names. I was name-calling my emotions. 

And, I am not saying people don't grieve, and that people aren't sad. When you are sad, you are sad. That is the reality in the moment.

But, when we revisit those traumatic events, which we do on every single situation whether we think so or not, we have an opportunity to reframe our thinking in the moment. We have the opportunity to remind ourselves of who we really are, that we are building up our overall energy through perseverance, and that we are courageous, and brave, and experiencing something powerful.

We have the opportunity, when we are revisiting trauma to reframe our thinking. We can, over time, with support, and patience, and asking for help, we can reframe our experience of pain, and become empowered by the simple act of allowing ourselves to feel it, without judgment.

I'll say it again, we can reframe and resolve painful emotions, by embracing them the way we embrace a crying child, with compassion, kindness, and patience. 

We don't judge the child, or kick it, or ignore it. We hold it in our arms and place all of our love and attention so that it can feel safe and comforted.

In the same way, when we are able to get vulnerable with our own hearts, and notice the underlying beliefs that are adding to our suffering, we can shift our perspective and potentially eliminate suffering immediately and completely. 

And, it won't work every single time. 

It's just like a child riding a bicycle. They are going to fall. No use in being in denial about it.

-----

When I started to allow myself to feel the heartache, it took a daily practice of meditation and self I, in order to notice the thoughts that were self-defeating. 

And then, I found a great book...

First, before I talk about The Presence Process by Micheal Brown, I want to mention Byron Katie who developed a method of self-inquiry that she calls The Work, which I practiced daily for over ten years, between 15 minutes and 15 hours per day.

---

The Presence Process was something I devoted a full year of my life to. I went through the self-facilitated process in the book 7 times, and continue to rely on the tools I learned in the process. Essentially, I relearned how to feel what I was feeling. 

---

Now, when I think of that moment in time of our relationship split, I see a light beam in my heart, I feel joy, and gratitude, and I feel like I am on a basketball court dunking a ball so hard that the backboard breaks, and the crowd cheers. I feel like I am in the zone. Where is pain, when I am in an elevated state of energy.

I misunderstood the Buddhist saying, "All life is suffering."

My interpretation was, "All life is suffering, so just accept it. You are going to frickin' suffer, so you have no choice but to suck it up, and shut down your heart. There is no hope for relief, until death, and even then you might go to hell, so you might as well get some practice shutting down your wicked heart, that is beyond cure."

I want to ask you, as you read that just now, how did that make you feel?

It.. made. me.. feel...... like ..... I am completely unworthy of love. It made me feel homeless.

It made me feel like crap, essentially.

My interpretation of "All life is suffering," is this:

Everyone can relate to sadness, anger, grief, and fear. Even if our pain level is only 1 out of 100, everyone knows what it is like to suffer. But, it doesn't mean we shouldn't devote ourselves to eliminate unnecessary suffering.

If I am in pain over a loss, why would I add suffering it by berating myself for being sad.

We wouldn't add suffering to our neighbor who just lost their favorite pet, by digging it up and throwing it through their window? 

But, that's what we do to ourselves when we stay stuck in our pain. It doesn't mean we aren't trying hard enough. It just means we don't have the tools. Not yet.

My invitation is to begin to be open to the idea that we can affect our overall emotional well-being, and be empowered to shift it from its current state of pain to living, predominantly in the zone, powered by bliss, joy, and peace, while staying open to every shade of feeling, without judging it with self-defeating concepts, and ideas.

I will not forget to mention the importance of asking for help. I am always open to seeking the advice of a professional. If we are not able to get unstuck, and we feel powerless, it imperative to not wait. We need to contact a doctor, immediately, for support. 

I have made this mistake too many times to count, and I am working on noticing earlier, when I need to call a physician. 






* “vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” from her 2012 Ted Talk

Monday, June 24, 2019

Commitment To Blogging, Posting, and Sharing

Commitment To Blogging Every Day For Two Years
Commitment To Posting A Blog Every Day For Two Years, 
To Publish It On Social Media, 
And Share It With Strangers In Face To Face Conversation

Commitment To Post A Blog Every Day For Two Years, to Share it on Social Media, to share it on my Uber App, Lyft App, and to share our with strangers, customers who are interested in my life, and to people I come across face to face in passing.


Where Do I Share My Blog?

I want to commit finding different ways to share my blog every day. 

The Importance of Saying "I Support You"

I am here for you.

I support you.

Powerful words...

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I was on the phone with my Mom, today, and I resisted the temptation to try to fix her, or offer advice.

This happened many times throughout the conversation.

Sunday, June 23, 2019

How can we change our feelings?

My solution is to reframe my negative, self defeating thought patterns with a mantra or positive thought that reminds me of who I really am.

I cannot break myself out of a stuck mind without involving my body. It is important that we move our bodies to get our blood flowing. For me, this can be as simple as walking around the block outside of my home.

If I am feeling uncomfortable, I don’t want to force myself to feel different. That is not going to work, but believing that we are powerless when it comes to our suffering is a concept that can add to our emotional suffering, and drag us down further into pain.

It is important to feel what we are feeling, while noticing the thoughts that are making us feel like crap. This process of feeling and noticing our negative thoughts is something I have practiced daily for over ten years, at least 15 minutes every day. I highly recommended a daily practice of meditation even if it is only five minutes every morning.

The process of changing how we feel can take time and requires devotion. Even a tiny shift in perspective can lift us out of depression, and start a momentum toward a fulfilling, satisfying experience of life. 

Life Mission, Intention, And Main Focus

First of all, I want to begin by saying that this can change and evolve over time, but I want to get this out there as soon as possible.

Also, I want to draw from my incantation from my very first blog post:


Mission Statement: 


My life mission is to eliminate suffering in my own life, and help others do the same.

Intention: 

I love to meet new people. I love to have fun, laugh, and enjoy present company. I love to learn new things. It helps me to feel connected, and challenges me to keep growing as a person. I am committed to showing up to whoever who crosses my path. And, I am committed to giving honest yes(s)es and nos.

I also really enjoy my solitude. I am equal parts a social butterfly, and deep diver into the emotional abyss.

I am committed to continually shifting my perspective toward my truest, and best self. I am committed to the willingness to feel my emotions, and challenging the self defeating thoughts that I am holding at the moment. I am devoted to igniting my overall energy level as a daily morning routine, in combination with a meditation practice, and consciously connected breathing.

I am cultivating a genuine interest others, through a curiosity with the world around me. I am building a life that includes everyone, and excludes no one. All are welcome in my company.

Main Focus:

My main focus/passion is my blog. I am a writer, musician, meditator, and activist. You can find me at:


I am also on: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Quora, LinkedIn, YouTube, etc,.

Saturday, June 22, 2019

We Can Change How We Feel, Right?

Can our Words Change the Way We Feel? Is it Possible?

There is a tool I have been working with to help remind me of who I really am, while simultaneously breaking me out of a self defeating thought pattern. It is called an incantation. And, I have been using it to help get me back on track when I am feeling uncomfortable, worn out, or facing any emotional obstacle. I just posted it to my previous blog post, and I will re-enter the text, at the end of this post, as a Post Script (P.S.)

If I am experiencing any suffering whatsoever, the intention of an incantation (which I learned through listening to a Tony Robbins seminar), is an affirmation that there is a solution to whatever I am facing, but it is more than just affirming words. In high school basketball, we called it "getting hyped." And in H.S. baseball, we were required when we were on the bench during an at bat, to cheer and make as much noise as possible in order to keep the energy going throughout the game. This is the same type of thing. Involving our whole body to elevate our energy to the highest possible level, ignites experiences of joy, peace, and happiness. We also are benefitting from the release of chemicals in our body that naturally lift us up, and give us a boost.

Reminders Influence Our Experience of the World

An incantation reminds me to dig in, and do whatever I can to elevate my energy level, so that I can accomplish my dreams, and get through whatever I am facing. It reminds me to involve my whole being, (mind: ego, body: physiology, heart: emotions) rather than just trying to think my way through with my mind.

It also reminds me of the importance of having a balance when it comes to eliminating unnecessary suffering, because feeling our emotions involves welcoming and embracing them, even the most unfamiliar, and uncomfortable ones.


Sometimes we need to emotionally dump and name our suffering, but for me, I don't want to stay stuck in judgment of my feelings. For example, if I have an underlying belief that "I am uncomfortable," the thought itself is quite uncomfortable. Then, if I am living my life out of that concept, eventually it is influencing my decisions and dragging me down into
existing in a low energy.

Reframing Negativity With Empowering Thoughts

My solution is to reframe my thought "I am uncomfortable," and to train my ego with an empowering thought: "I am building up my overall energy through perseverance.". I want to remind myself that "I am building up my overall energy through perseverance," over and over, until I memorize the words and allow myself to feel it in my bones.


This is an empowering thought, because it reminds me that feeling tired and weak is a part of the process. I heard once that bodybuilders begin to really love the feeling of pushing themselves in a workout and even consider it one of the highest levels of pleasure. This is not some sick, masochistic thing. A person who reframes their unfamiliar discomfort as pleasure is a person who has successfully trained their ego to align with another frame of mind, a frame of mind that is resilient, patient, malleable, and adaptable to changing circumstances.


Further Study

If you are interested in testing this out further, I would highly recommend Byron Katie's method of self inquiry called The Work, which you can find at thework.com. I devoted ten years of my life to a daily practice of The Work, and am still benefitting from my realizations found through inquiry. I developed a foundation through a daily practice, and spent at least 15 minutes a day in silence and meditation. At times, I was so interested in the positive effects of questioning my thoughts that I could go up to 10 hours or more, and  on occasion, would have 3 day long personal retreats at my home, listening to audio recordings, reading books, and studying this wonderful practice. I was, and still am devoted to the end of suffering. 

Another recommended read when it comes to feeling our emotions is a book called the Presence Process by Michael Brown. I devoted another whole year of my life to the self facilitation process found in the book. This process allowed me to relearn how to feel, after many years of conditioning myself to ignore and repress my emotions.

Thank you for reading,

I hope you enjoy my incantation. It brings me joy!

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P.S.  


Incantation For Today: All Are Welcome In My Company [Originally Written on Thursday, Jun 20, 2019]

I am so grateful to be a partner in my own personal evolution.

I am the master of my fate.

I am the captain of my soul.

I am passionate about ending suffering in my own life.

I am passionate about helping other people eliminate suffering in their lives.

I am attracting wealth and prosperity into my life; the kind of wealth that goes way beyond financial gain, without excluding it; the kind of overflowing wealth, prosperity, and abundant energy that can set a prisoner free; the kind of freedom that can raise me up from the grave, and set me free from any cage!!!

Because I am strong, and my strength comes from within me.

And, I am accessing that strength every day by having the courage to feel my emotions, get vulnerable with myself, move my body to ignite my physiology, and by replacing my negative, self defeating judgments with empowering, energizing, and uplifting concepts and ideas.

My heart is overflowing with grace, compassion, and gratitude.

I am generous to myself, first, so that I can give without reservation.

I am doing my work, the emotional work that brings clarity, understanding, and wisdom for any and all circumstances. And, I am always open to finding out where else I can expand this beautiful heart, mind, and soul; to the far reaches of any galaxy!!!

...Because I am loved, and there is sea of angels surrounding me. Because I am first loved by the captain of my soul, my biggest cheerleader, and the champion of my heart: Matthew Hardy

I did not give birth to myself, physically, but I am creating and building a life that is my own. I can't ever claim to take credit away from any God, but I am doing my best to do my part: which is to create a life that is full of energy, vitality, generosity, and gratitude.

I am building a life that includes all people, and does not exclude anyone. I am starting with myself, and then to my peers, and then to everyone who crosses my path. All are welcome, here.

I am creating a life that listens, and learns, and grows, and challenges any concept that causes pain.

I am building a life that evolves and loves and moves with the tides. I am a surfer who can ride the emotional waves, and lend a hand to an exhausted swimmer.

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This is my incantation. This is my dream for me today. This is my dream for my community, and family. This is my dream for the world.