What Would Happen if I Would Trust My Own Intuition?

As I woke up this morning, all of this fear came up, and anger, and even rage toward my dad, and I asked myself, is this conversation worth even one more moment of your time? Is thinking about this situation, and this person** worth the energy you are giving it? No? And, I said to myself, done!!!

I immediately started reminding myself of who I really am, I am so grateful that I am a part of my own personal evolution, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul, I am passionate about ending suffering in my life, I am passionate about helping other people eliminating suffering in their lives, I am strong and my strength comes from within me.

And then, I started thinking about intuition, I told myself, trust what is in your heart, trust that if you follow what is in your heart and be courageous enough to allow every single emotion to resonate through your body without judgment or concern, that you will be held by the universe and you will accomplish what you have set out to do.

These words got me up out of bed, and as I began my morning routine, I was listening to a talk by Gabrielle Bernstein*, and she asked the question, "what would happen if I would let the universe take the lead?" This obviously resounded so much with me because it is something I try so hard to live out in my life. My answer lies in the statement, I will be held by the universe and I will accomplish what I have set out to do.

This reminds me of a post I created about intention, and what I notice in that post is a desire to create an energy in my being, that is my source of wealth. When I was thinking about my rage toward my dad, I reframed that situation with this is fuel energy that I can use to propel me forward. I reframed this powerful feeling, instead of judging it as something bad happening to me, I chose to consider it fuel to propel me forward to accomplishing my goals. That overwhelming anxiety, rage, anger, and fear changed into this exuberant energy that I can use for good. I was able to replace excruciating pain with a a lightweight sense of joy. It was like taking off the heavy cloak of depression and putting on a cape that would allow me to be light on my feet, lighthearted in conversation, and resilient in any circumstance.

Instead of looking at the situation with my dad and seeing pain and trauma, I was able to see light energy, and power, and empowerment, and energy that I can use to move me forward. I was able to transform my suffering in that moment, into energy.

This is my wealth! This is my prosperity! Financial gain is a mere byproduct of a clear mind, a focus, and an exuberant energy, not my only reward.

When I take action out of an energy that is liberating, and uplifting, and empowering, financial gain is a consequence of that, and also a teacher, a great teacher for me. My main reward is that overflowing joy that I feel. My main reward is the gratitude flowing from my heart. My main reward is the overflowing energy that I can use to propel me forward to accomplish my dreams. My main reward is the knowing that I am no longer suffering from the pain of domestic violence. My main reward is knowing that the war stops with me. My main reward is knowing that I don't ever have to pass on that same violence to another human being, including myself.

Blaming myself over and over for something he did is no helping anyone. I am the most important person I will ever meet. The person in the mirror is the most important person we will ever meet. I am taken care of. The war has ended in my home, literally, and metaphorically. I will not.. pass on.. what was given.. to me.

Violence is a disease, and it has a cure. Violence is a treatable condition. And, the cure is a clear mind, that is trained in the art of transforming our pain into energy, and empowerment, without running from our own discomfort.

The cure to violence is igniting a movement in our bodies that brings us into a state of flow, or "the zone." This kind of state of being benefits all people, because we feel connected to our true self, while feeling completely connected to all beings. The ego can't control us when we are in a flow state. The ego must be trained to take the navigator seat. And, this is our work, the emotional work that is training our ego to let our true being, our intuition, do it's job, and lead us on the journey. The cure comes when we realize that there is nothing broken in the first place; our intuition has always known joy. The solution is in training our ego mind to be at one with the heart and play. The solution is in receiving every emotion as energy to fuel us toward self love, and then unconditional love toward others, and then being like a lighthouse for ships caught in the storms of violence, oppression, poverty, and depression.

*I want to give credit to Gabrielle Bernstein, who is a leader and hero of mine, and helped inspire me to write this blog post in her talk "The Universe Has Your Back," on SuperSoul Sessions, Oprah Winfrey Network https://youtu.be/7yiCMxp8Kw4

**I want to make note of the fact that I experienced domestic violence in my home as a child, and though I am forgiving of my dad, I am still working through how to act around him, and how much time, if any, that I want to be around him. I also, am giving myself plenty of space to walk in my own skin after acknowledging to myself that it wasn't my fault, that he used violence toward me. I wasn't my fault that he assaulted me. Period.